The sunlight dries up and the leaves are left yearning for the soft touch of the bright rays once more.

The sky turns red from the anger of losing its loved one while the clouds bleed black drops of death.

Torrential rains whiplash the Earth, wanting to rid themselves of the scars given by the rough dirt.

Volcanoes billow smoke and ashes and cover the one luscious forests with a veil of darkness. And the trees suffocate in attempts to survive.

Even the planets, they too come crashing down as the gravitational pull becomes nothing but a child’s tug.

Crumbling, in destruction, the Universe grows old, only to find out she has no sons or daughters to carry on her legacy.

My merit, questioned. My decisions, mocked. I have become a laughingstock in the eyes of those who I respect and adore the most. I don’t know what to do, or how to find a way back to the way it used to be. I just want to rewind time and make it better again. I don’t want to continue trying, continue working at some sort of invisible day where I can be proud of myself again. It’s not about self-esteem. Not even about self-worth. It’s about not being able to look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and say that you have accomplished something. People say that it’s ok, that you’ve already done so much, that you should be proud of that. But those things don’t matter anymore, they only mattered then. What matters now is if I can achieve this simple task that’s been given to me. But apparently, I can’t. I’m not apt enough. My lack of skill has caused not only pain to me, but to those who I love the most. And they still keep faith in me. I don’t know why, but they still see something in me worth fighting for. Someone tell me where I can find this worth that everyone still sees, because I cannot find it. Someone, please, help me fix this shambles of a life I’m living?

I know I’m a creature of the night, but sometimes I just want to suffocate in the darkness that surrounds me. It’s as if the black of the night seeps into my soul and taints whatever light remains after my sins have been accounted for. I feel the Devil inside me gnawing at my innards, wanting release in the form of more sins. As I lay on my bed I can hear the voices inside of my head talking to me about the things that I’ve done in the past, the things that I regret the most, and of things that I am yet to do in the future, they already know, they’ve been planning. The night takes over, and my mind shuts down to a low rumble at the bidding of the nighttime. Every candle and lightbulb in my house isn’t enough to light my soul when the night decides to attack. There is no salvation for me, and so I wander on, through the night. Into the darkness, into the abyss, as my soul is slowly swallowed bit by bit until there is nothing left of who I used to be, who I am, or who I could have ever been.

That is the power of the night, and tonight, I am giving in, for there is no more willpower left in my bones to fight this darkness permeating my being.

Daylight pours in through the window.
Dew still covers the grass.
The Sun is not yet warm
Yet my eyes do not want to wake
For they are lost in a sweet world
Only accessible through constant slumber.
Dream worlds that are far more appealing
And much better conditioned than reality
For me, my dreams are my reality
And reality is a nightmare.
So I lay here, shivering in the cold
Not because the Sun ism’t warm yet
But because this nightmare will gnaw
At my soul, until it has frozen over like
Hell.

The clouds came crumbling down in bits and pieces
And turned to dust as they hit the ground.
The Earth imploded from the stress that it bore
And the turmoil that was wreaked upon it.

The sun gave out and shrouded the galaxy in darkness
As its inner core slowly dissipated into nothing.
The stars became long lost history as their twinkle disappeared
And the collective blanket of shimmer faded to nothing.

The volcanos erupted with rage that had been stowed away
And displayed their want, their need, for vengeance.
The tsunamis caressed the cities with violent waves
And decided that it was time for Earth to weep.

Standing there as it all fell apart, I realized something.
It was my fault. For trying to have what I couldn’t.
I had put the existence of the Universe on the line
And continued in my blindness for what I wanted.

I was blinded by your sun drenched, golden tresses
And drowned in the azure pools that are your eyes.
Lost in the shimmering of stars and twinkling of hearts
And deafened by the sound of your mellifluous laughter.

I took a day off from work to relieve the stress and burden
That was being put on my heart
But I found myself in the hospital from exposure to your
Unbridled love flowing through my veins.

I instantly became an addict
And you were my drug.
Rehabilitation was useless
I just needed you more and more.

I couldn’t help but feel a sense of longing,
Of insatiable want for your soft caress.
And I knew that you wanted me too.
But the stars kept us from meeting.

You lived only five blocks away from me
But our worlds were galaxies apart.
The Universe didn’t want us together
And for that, I wept.

Now I’m looking through the glass box
Of your crystalline, perfect life.
Wanting you to notice me
But my reflection is drowned out.

The Universe came to a standstill.
Gently slowing down from its heavenly
Pirouette.

And with that all the planets stopped
Rotating.
And all the stars stopped their
Twinkling.
And all the asteroids turned into
Dust.

For the Heavens knew, that when
The Universe itself came to a stop
There was something gravely
Wrong.

And so it would wait
In eternal slumber
Until the Universe decided to pick back up
Again.

But until that time came once more
There was nothing more to be done
And so they stood, forever, at a
Deadlock.

And they continue to do so
But the lights of what transpired
Reach our eyes now.

Earth is not moving.
The Moon has stopped its rotation
The stars do not change positions.
This is all a trick of the eye
And the consequence
Of the Universe
Deciding to come to a complete
Standstill.

The dirt laden path billowed up a coughing fit of dust as the car sped across it. The boy was, literally, left in the dust; standing there with a small backpack and a water bottle. A single teardrop made its way down his cheek as he stood there, watching his entire life fade away into the horizon.

If you asked him now of that memory, of that day, he would respond with a single word: Bullshit. It didn’t matter to him anymore whether his parents had abandoned him, or that they had chosen a life of wealth over a life of love. For all he knew, they were probably rotting somewhere without any support while his life was at its peak. He didn’t care for any of it. From that day onwards, he had made a promise to himself that he would make a name for himself with every ounce of blood in his body.

That’s exactly what he did. he trained, day and night, sweat and blood, until his name was written across every billboard in the nation. There were offers coming in from all over the country, and even internationally. he was the most exalted fighter in the game. Breaking records from his first fight with a two hit knockout in the first thirty seconds of his debut round, he kept rising in the pools and in the eyes of the commentators he became the hero they could glorify.

And then one day, unexpectedly, his parents showed up at his doorsteps. He knew it was inevitable, that sooner or later they would come, once news of his fame reached wherever they were. He knew what he wanted to say to them, what to ask them. He was just about to start his rehearsed speech of so many years, but he stopped.

He had faltered because he saw the look in his mother’s eyes. Though he had built up a fortress of contempt against the pair of them, something in his mom’s eyes made him stop. Fine, he decided he would listen to what they had to say, but no forgiveness.

“So, what is it? Why show up now?” He asked as they sat there on the couch. “What is it now?” His father was silent. He hadn’t said a word since they had arrived. “Son, we know what we did was terrible and unforgivable. We don’t want your money or fame, that’s not what we’re here for.” His mom said in a voice that resonated with pain and sadness. Why was he feeling this way? this regret was building up inside him.

“Your father has been diagnosed with a rare mutation of the cancer cell. Doctors have tried everything from chemo to a special medication. There is no way to kill it; there is no way to hinder it.” And with that his mom fell silent. “That’s why he has that cap on,” he thought to himself. He was torn, stuck at a fork in the road he had thought only led one way.

On the left was the path he had always imagined he would take if this day ever came. the speech, the berating with questions, everything had been planned out. He wouldn’t let them bathe in his glory if they ever showed up. he was hellbent on making them regret their decision to abandon him as a child. And on the right was a newfound path. Something from inside was trying to gnaw its way out: Forgiveness.

He was torn between the two paths, not knowing which to choose. Finally, after a long period of great consideration, he picked which path he wanted to go down.

The waves come crashing
Down on the white sand beaches
Everything is gone.

 
I once accessed the inner core of it
All.
        My emotions, thoughts, dreams,
        All safely stowed away in the crux.
        Locked away to prevent intrusion
        And outsiders from tampering with 
        Them. 
I was able to see everything crystalline
Clear.
        But the colors had lost their hue
        The edges were torn and faded
        I couldn't help but feel a little upset
        And a small piece of me died on the
        Inside.
I don't know what could have caused such
Decay.
        Though I had a slight inkling of the reason
        Behind this dwindling of my quintessence
        But feared that if I delved any deeper into it
        I would lose it all, and even worse, I would lose
        Myself.
And so I let those thoughts, emotions, and memories
Fade. 

All humans feel fear, knocking at their
Doorsteps when the time comes.

While they are being robbed,
Or while taking a test.
Fear knows the perfect time
To strike you down.
And sometimes, fear can attack
Unexpectedly, and quite harshly.

But what humans don’t know, is that
Fear has a fear of his own.
And every time he strikes our hearts,
Every time he enters our souls,
He can see it.
He can feel it.

And he knows, that if we realize
What it is that causes fear to fear
Then we would gain total control.
The courageous lion in our heart,
The fighter that lays dormant in
Our soul.

That is, what fear himself, fears.

Some nights I feel so lonely, so alone in this world.
It’s like the light has slowly seeped away
And my soul lays dying, in the cold darkness.
I seek out for companionship, friendship
But my wanting hands are met by nothing except
An empty shroud of silence.
The pain is not tangible, yet I cringe from it
As it takes away my willpower to try.
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
But you don’t know what it feels like to keep trying
And have nothing come of it.
You try, just once, and tell me how you fare.
This loneliness is suffocating me, killing me.
I’m fading into the gray,
And I’m afraid that soon,
I’ll be nothing but bones;
All alone in a pile.